


You Can Breathe Now, Dean

by casbean



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Birthday, Dean Winchester's Birthday, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Wishes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 03:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17317307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casbean/pseuds/casbean
Summary: It's his birthday, so Dean makes a wish, knowing full well it won't ever come true.





	You Can Breathe Now, Dean

**Author's Note:**

> birthday fic for @yourspecialeyes on tumblr

“Make a wish.”

Sam raises his eyebrows at Dean, who gives him the deadliest of glares.

“Yes, Dean, make a wish! It’s what people do on their birthdays. They blow the candles and make a wish. You’re the one who told me about it.”

Dean looks at Jack, who’s watching him with enthusiastic eagerness. He suddenly deeply regrets teaching Jack about birthday traditions.

He meets Castiel’s eyes, soft, endeared, and ever so blue.

In a heartbeat Dean knows what his wish would be. There’s so many things he should ask for. So many things he needs, so many things that they  _all_  need. But there’s only one thing he truly wants. One superfluous, crazy, impossible thing he desires.

Cas.

 _Birthday wishes don’t work,_  he tells himself. Birthday wishes are a superstition, and unlike all the other very real superstitions they face every day, this one won’t ever turn out to be real. Birthday wishes are well and truly made-up, so it doesn’t matter what he wishes for. It won’t happen anyway.

Dean stares at the little flames dancing above his birthday pie. Four little candles stabbed in the crust for his fortieth birthday. It doesn’t matter, and it’s meaningless, and he’s basically a kid wishing for a unicorn, but it still feels good to allow himself this.

Allow himself to think  _I wish_ as he pictures Castiel, not standing on the other side of the room, but sitting here, with him. By his side. Maybe even kissing him above their shared slice of pie. Castiel’s coat hanging on the chair in the corner of his bedroom. Castiel’s heat in his bed. Castiel’s fingers slipped between his own, a soft press to his hand before they part. Dean’s lips, against the shell of Cas’ ear, saying all the things he wishes he could say to make the angel stay.

_I wish, I wish, I wish._

It doesn’t matter anyway.

Dean blows out the four candles in one breath and looks up, only to meet Castiel’s eyes across the room.

It’s like time has stopped. Dean hears nothing, sees nothing, all the busy activity around them – Sam’s hooray, Jack’s excited little bounce, the squeeze of Mary’s hand on his shoulder – fading to nothingness. All that Dean can see is Castiel.

His beautiful lips are parted, and shaking. His blue eyes are wet, rimmed with red, glistening. He looks like he’s just seen something that has shaken him to his core. Something that causes him to grab the counter beside him, knuckles whitening, his chest moving up and down with alarmed breaths.

Dean wants to get up, move, grab him. Ask if he’s okay. But Castiel’s eyes are pinned on him, and what Dean sees in them freezes him into his chair. Astonishment, longing, hope, all succeeding on Cas’ features.

He knows. Dean doesn’t know how, or why, but he knows. He’s seen. He’s seen the thought in Dean’s mind, and now he’s standing there as if his entire world has just collapsed around him.

Dean is up before he can even think about it. He’s up and out of the room before anyone can stop him.

Somehow, Castiel is already in his room when he barges in.

Dean stops dead in his track.

He’s pretty sure his expression mirrors Cas’ – a deer caught in the headlights. Castiel moves first, a step towards him, his arms raised.

“Dean–”

“You saw?”

“I felt.”

Dean struggles to breath. Cas takes another step.

“How? I wasn’t praying,” Dean manages to articulate, his voice rough.

“A wish is very similar, in its essence, to a prayer.”

“Except it’s not, it’s–”

“Dean.”

Cas’ chest is heaving, too. Dean doesn’t know how he got this close, so close he can feel his quick breaths against his own mouth.

“You weren’t supposed to see it. Or… or  _feel_  it. Or whatever.”

“Did you mean it?”

Dean wants to look away. He needs to look away, because staring into Castiel’s eyes always makes him feel like the ground has vanished, the Earth opened underneath him, and he somehow hasn’t started falling yet. But he’s about to. Just about to fall, and fall, and fall, endlessly, until he reaches the core of the Earth and burns there for eternity.

“Cas–”

“Dean, please. Did you mean it? How you felt? Is that really – am I really what you want?”

“Yeah.”

Dean’s mouth moves on its own, the sound escapes.

The next few seconds stretch out into years, Castiel’s night sky gaze searching his own for the truth.

Then he grabs him by the neck and pulls him into a kiss. Dean stumbles forward and almost misses his mouth, but Cas’ hands are firm on each side of his face, he guides him into place. Dean often wondered how Cas would kiss. Like the furious hurricane Dean knows is trapped inside, or the caring, generous, gentle creature he often choses to be.

Turns out it’s a bit of both. It starts off hungry, wet, demanding. Hot. Dean fights to keep up, fights to give back, until he slides his hand on the nape of Cas’ neck, stroking through the soft curls there. He brings Cas’ body closer, hand sneaking under the trenchcoat, pulling at his waist until he can feel all of Cas’ body against him. Their kiss softens into a slow, careful exploration of each other, and Cas lets out a little sound that is almost Dean’s undoing.

Dean buries his face in Cas’ neck, inhales the scent of the Earth, the sea, and the stars.

He feels like he’s breathing out air he’s been holding in for ten years. Ever since that day in the barn, ever since he plunged a knife into Castiel’s heart. The longest breath he’s ever held.

“Happy birthday, Dean,” Cas murmurs between their lips before he kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [here (writing blog)](http://casbeanwrites.tumblr.com/) or [here](http://casbean.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
